My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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