If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
