I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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