found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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