DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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