Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
