if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
