I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
