dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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