she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
