after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize