hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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