I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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