I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
