dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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