I could make wine with my vomit
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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