hell yes lets make some ravioli
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
