after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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