i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
