Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
