I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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