I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
