You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
