Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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