Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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