I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
