Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
tell me about the fingering
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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