Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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