Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
