Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
