you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
