Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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