Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
