I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
