the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
