Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
