i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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