When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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