I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
