brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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