Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
