This is not my ceiling
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
