we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
