So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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