So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
