im six kinds of drunk right now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
