I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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