Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
