she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
