Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
