I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
