All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
