nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
