Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Betty ford says i'm here all night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize