I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
