i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
