genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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