I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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