Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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