Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
