The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
