You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
